I want to be a new person.
REFINED
WALK IN A DIFFERENT HEAVY STEP
BE PUNCTUAL
BE QUICK OF THOUGHT>>> THAN WELL NOW>
ENDURANCE
OPENMINDED
NUMB
im working on it...
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
All out inna blazing glory
haha to be honest, i'm not quite sure what i saw today.. haha. well, cos.....well its just the insecure dumbass inside the asylum today...
He talks nonstop, as if he everyone to stop what they are doing and just stare.
He grumbles, about how people today not meaning it when they are getting married. He says they just agree with it and will the priest inside their hearts, to just go on faster and get on with it.
Otherwise why are there so many divorces? he asks.
So many young people telling each other that they love each other, when all they truly want is someone to hug them,
to be with them,
to ease their loneliness.
I know the feeling as well as they do. He says.
i know cos' i felt it myself.
I knew the girl leaning against my shoulder wasn't HER yet, inside me,
deep down, i felt something kick in.
it wasn't lust,
it was just the desire to be wanted,
to know that there was someone who cared for u in the world other than your relatives.
it was a nice feeling.
But it wasn't a sincere one.
It created three paths for the person who experienced it.
The first would be for the person top mistake it for lust, and screw up.
the second would be for the person to take advantage, and fake feelings that he never had.
The third would be for him to become the insecure fool he's always been, because its the easy way out for him. To do what he had always done, always getting the same damnfool results.
But the questions that would be, and still resound in this fool's head would be that would she be the one? whether he was to play the role of the bastard, and ouch her away, before she ever got within the chance and reach of getting hurt by him, or the other way around. or to let things go on, play the gentleman and make his move.
Checkmate. But whose?
He rants on..
He yells at the stairs and cardboards and doors and trays of tiny cups of painkillers.
The actor wears his mask cos he's afraid of revealing too much, of getting hurt. Without a mask, all that you feel are written across your face.
Simple emotions, different interpretations,Different reactions.
Too risky.
Put on a mask, and reveal the hidden emotions within. The ultimate most beautiful expression of the human intention and emotion. Complications, and single intended questions and maybes.
More certainty.
There is more, he yells.
More of it where it came from.
But already the doctors and nurses are restraining him, restoring the asylum back to it former state,
Of Golden Silence
he struggles.
to be free and liberate all from their foolishness.
from their grief
from their troubles.
And be their delievering Messiah.
Yeah, i crept around all that commotion and ran on. Ran on to listen to more stories from the other residents. guess i'll try to post when i can again.. see you soon yeah?
He talks nonstop, as if he everyone to stop what they are doing and just stare.
He grumbles, about how people today not meaning it when they are getting married. He says they just agree with it and will the priest inside their hearts, to just go on faster and get on with it.
Otherwise why are there so many divorces? he asks.
So many young people telling each other that they love each other, when all they truly want is someone to hug them,
to be with them,
to ease their loneliness.
I know the feeling as well as they do. He says.
i know cos' i felt it myself.
I knew the girl leaning against my shoulder wasn't HER yet, inside me,
deep down, i felt something kick in.
it wasn't lust,
it was just the desire to be wanted,
to know that there was someone who cared for u in the world other than your relatives.
it was a nice feeling.
But it wasn't a sincere one.
It created three paths for the person who experienced it.
The first would be for the person top mistake it for lust, and screw up.
the second would be for the person to take advantage, and fake feelings that he never had.
The third would be for him to become the insecure fool he's always been, because its the easy way out for him. To do what he had always done, always getting the same damnfool results.
But the questions that would be, and still resound in this fool's head would be that would she be the one? whether he was to play the role of the bastard, and ouch her away, before she ever got within the chance and reach of getting hurt by him, or the other way around. or to let things go on, play the gentleman and make his move.
Checkmate. But whose?
He rants on..
He yells at the stairs and cardboards and doors and trays of tiny cups of painkillers.
The actor wears his mask cos he's afraid of revealing too much, of getting hurt. Without a mask, all that you feel are written across your face.
Simple emotions, different interpretations,Different reactions.
Too risky.
Put on a mask, and reveal the hidden emotions within. The ultimate most beautiful expression of the human intention and emotion. Complications, and single intended questions and maybes.
More certainty.
There is more, he yells.
More of it where it came from.
But already the doctors and nurses are restraining him, restoring the asylum back to it former state,
Of Golden Silence
he struggles.
to be free and liberate all from their foolishness.
from their grief
from their troubles.
And be their delievering Messiah.
Yeah, i crept around all that commotion and ran on. Ran on to listen to more stories from the other residents. guess i'll try to post when i can again.. see you soon yeah?
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
i saw a ghost today
i was so tired today
i saw a ghost from my past today.
First i wondered if i made a mistake, but it was her alright.
Same hairstyle, same dressing style.
Her brother looks different now tho..
it was him who made me wonder if i had made a mistake... the mum also looks so different.
Our eyes met. I'm sure she knew it was me, as well as i knew it was her.
But she did not come to say hi, not even a tip of the head,
just straight eye to eye for a good 3-5 seconds.
Then either her brother or mother asked her to go for the penitentiary service, then the three of them began to chat again, and they went in.
Never saw her again.
Thought i'll just write this cos...well some wounds are best not reopened.
Perhaps its for the best.
sigh..
I saw a ghost today.
She turned away, after starting at me with those haunted eyes of hers.
She disappeared again, like mist into the winds of people.
Sayonara, perhaps we'll meet again. Che ser sera
i saw a ghost from my past today.
First i wondered if i made a mistake, but it was her alright.
Same hairstyle, same dressing style.
Her brother looks different now tho..
it was him who made me wonder if i had made a mistake... the mum also looks so different.
Our eyes met. I'm sure she knew it was me, as well as i knew it was her.
But she did not come to say hi, not even a tip of the head,
just straight eye to eye for a good 3-5 seconds.
Then either her brother or mother asked her to go for the penitentiary service, then the three of them began to chat again, and they went in.
Never saw her again.
Thought i'll just write this cos...well some wounds are best not reopened.
Perhaps its for the best.
sigh..
I saw a ghost today.
She turned away, after starting at me with those haunted eyes of hers.
She disappeared again, like mist into the winds of people.
Sayonara, perhaps we'll meet again. Che ser sera
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Welcome to the asylum.
Hi,
this is the place where they sedate you, give you pills that screw around with your head and thinking , etc etc, yadda yadda.....
But ahh..free from the pills that turn me into a lively zombie, i managed to get out, and now i am faced with a corridor full of doors, to other people just like me,
who feels that if enough people are mad a certain way, the others who are sane are actually considered as mad,
and are thrown into
~The Asylum~
, where they will,and can do no harm.
From here on i will unlock each door in time in this sanctuary, where the mad musings of a human mind are considered as lunancy, and are taken into account, which who knows what form of stories they may take?
how morbid,idiotic,foolish,vengeful,pleasurable,suicidal, and yadda yadda they are...
so i bid thee stranger, to follow me through these doors and gates of mindplayful lunancy.
this is the place where they sedate you, give you pills that screw around with your head and thinking , etc etc, yadda yadda.....
But ahh..free from the pills that turn me into a lively zombie, i managed to get out, and now i am faced with a corridor full of doors, to other people just like me,
who feels that if enough people are mad a certain way, the others who are sane are actually considered as mad,
and are thrown into
~The Asylum~
, where they will,and can do no harm.
From here on i will unlock each door in time in this sanctuary, where the mad musings of a human mind are considered as lunancy, and are taken into account, which who knows what form of stories they may take?
how morbid,idiotic,foolish,vengeful,pleasurable,suicidal, and yadda yadda they are...
so i bid thee stranger, to follow me through these doors and gates of mindplayful lunancy.
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